Charlie
is upset because he is convinced he is worthless. Fat, balding, sweaty and
talentless
I'm
pathetic, I'm a loser. I have failed, I am panicked. I've sold out, I am
worthless, I... What the fuck am I doing here? What the fuck am I doing here?
Fuck. It is my weakness, my ultimate lack of conviction that brings me here.
Easy answers used to shortcut yourself to success. And here I am because my
jump into the abysmal well - isn't that just a risk one takes when attempting
something new? I should leave here right now. I'll start over. I need to face
this project head on and...
Do
I have an original thought in my head? My bald head. Maybe if I were happier my
hair wouldn't be falling out. Life is short. I need to make the most of it.
Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I'm a walking cliché. I really
need to go to the doctor and have my leg checked. There's something wrong. A
bump. The dentist called again. I'm way overdue. If I stop putting things off I
would be happier. All I do is sit on my fat ass. If my ass wasn't fat I would
be happier. I wouldn't have to wear these shirts with the tails out all the
time. Like that's fooling anyone. Fat ass. I should start jogging again. Five
miles a day. Really do it this time. Maybe rock climbing. I need to turn my
life around. What do I need to do? I need to fall in love. I need to have a
girlfriend. I need to read more and prove myself. What if I learned Russian or
something, or took up an instrument. I could speak Chinese. I'd be the
screenwriter who speaks Chinese and plays the oboe. That would be cool. I
should get my hair cut short. Stop trying to fool myself and everyone else into
thinking I have a full head of hair. How pathetic is that. Just be real.
Confident. Isn't that what women are attracted to? Men don't have to be
attractive. But that's not true. Especially these days. Almost as much pressure
on men as there is on women these days. Why should I be made to feel I have to
apologize for my existence? Maybe it's my brain chemistry. Maybe that's what's
wrong with me. Bad chemistry. All my problems and anxiety can be reduced to a
chemical imbalance or some kind of misfiring synapses. I need to get help for
that. But I'll still be ugly though. Nothing's going to change that.
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